He Changed My Name

I was Stacey Chiasson for 20 years. During this time I raised children, built my career and  developed life-long relationships. My identity was anchored deeply in my name. So after my marriage ended in 2006, I kept Chiasson. When I walked into the doctor’s office or school, I wanted the world to know that my children and I belonged together. We were still a family.

Pride also had something to do with it. I didn’t change my name because if we all had the same last name, you may not know I’m divorced. And certainly I wouldn’t have to acknowledge I’m divorced for a second time. And if I didn’t change my name within my professional circle, it would be apparent that I am the same person on those business awards, in newspaper mentions and boards of directors. I suck at being married, but at least I’ve got this career thing down pat!

I couldn’t see my life past two marriages. Although I wanted intimacy, I couldn’t dare take the risk of failing a third time. It’s obviously something I’m not capable of doing. Friends and family confirmed that. “Your picker is broken.” “It can’t be all their fault.” And they were right. I had come to the conclusion that the tombstone would read, 

Daughter-Sister-Mom Stacey Barber Chiasson

Along the ride of shedding fear and shame, God started to speak to me about my part in those failed marriages. Yes, my part. That’s the chapter many of us don’t want to drudge through to get to the other side. In 2014, my prayer became, “God, prepare me for my husband. Make me the wife that I need to be for the husband you want for me. And bring him directly to me. I will not push, control or manipulate. I will trust your plan.” 

In February 2015, Todd Gautreau walked into my life. I didn’t pick him, God picked Us. 

My prayer had been answered. On August 27th, 2016, surrounded by family and friends, Todd and I entered into a covenant marriage. But because pride is such a snake, I still struggled with changing my name. Until I read the book, Faith Forward Future by Chad Veach.  

Veach does an amazing job in this book of relating our everyday pain and fear to biblical stories, stories of a future and a hope. Stories of bigger dreams, forgiveness and becoming qualified.  Veach uses the story of Simon. Simon was a good person, and like us, he had faults. Those faults would surely keep him from doing big things. But God knew the story from beginning to end. As God began to prepare Simon for his big moment He said, “I will change your name to Cephus which means Rock and you will be called Peter.” Simon was so confused, he was just a guy who liked to fish. And sometimes, he didn’t catch any fish. How could he be dependable? 

And right there in Chapter II, Veach writes ….

Am I too distracted by the sounds of failure to hear the beautiful future God is speaking over me? 

We all know the part where Simon is fishing and came up empty the night before. The next morning God said, “Lower your net.” There were so many big fish … not just fish, big fish … that they filled two boats almost to the point of sinking. 

Did I think God had rescued me from shame and fear about marriage and intimacy just because I wanted the word “Wife” on my tombstone? He brought such a blessing into my life with Todd, and I was willing to stop the dream right there. We get so distracted with our own dreams … our own fears … our own everything that we can’t even imagine two boats full of big fish.

Today, I want the two boats of big fish and more! I want everything God has for me and I want to live my best life. I want to leave this earth knowing there is nothing more He has for me to do. But in order to do that, I had to embrace my name change and be who God has called me to be, Stacey Gautreau.  

He changed several people’s name in the Bible that had a bigger purpose, who had more potential, who wasn’t dreaming big enough. And, He Changed My Name.