I'm Not a Racist

Sidni asked me a poignant question the very first time I met her. Why do you have to invite me to the table? I was taken aback. I had just met her. A mutual friend introduced us in passing. She said we should know each other. We chatted quickly about what we do. I learned she was in the business of gaining capital and building capacity for minority businesses. I worked for a big company that had a reputation for community building and philanthropy. 

My first thought when she asked the question was, Dang, girl. I just met you. We could probably help each other and you are coming at me. Never mind.

I’ve learned to not trust my first thought when it comes to race. Something I’m still working on is how to manage the tension.  When I’m confronted with something I don’t like or don’t agree with, I want to defend or justify. Her question was valid. Her question is the same question I asked the men in my circle 25 years ago. But when she asked it, I wanted to defend myself. I wanted Sidni to know that I wasn’t like that. I’m not a racist. 

My Pastor encourages us to love on people first, then we can talk about who that love comes from. Show people Christ versus tell people. I’m very comfortable in my faith. I’m not defensive when people ask me about what I believe. I don’t argue with people who tell me they believe in something else besides Jesus. I’m very aware that my role is to plant the seed. Only Jesus makes it grow.

What is my role here? After reading my last blog, Diverse but Divided, a friend texted me and said how much she enjoyed reading my thoughts on diversity. She explained that it made her feel she should use her voice more within her family but that it was hard. She doesn’t like confrontation. 

There will be tension when we talk about race, but there doesn’t have to be an argument. I’m not focused on changing someone’s heart, opinions, or behaviors …. That’s for God to do. My role is to share my experiences, plant the seed. You can argue over a lot of things, but you can’t argue over someone’s experience. When I’m quick to defend something I’ve said or justify my actions, the conversation …. the relationship … is at risk of ending. My role is to keep the conversation going. 

Friends, we are venturing into a space where the enemy has kept us divided for hundreds of years. John 10:10 tells us that the thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. He’s going to fight to keep this space. He’s going to fight to shut the conversation down. He will use every distraction. He welcomes the tension. He wants the tension of be unmanageable. It’s not. What’s your role? 

Do you want to talk about some of this?