It's The Socks For Me!

I trust people to love me when they need me. I don’t trust people to love me when they don’t. I’ve spent years working on this. Checking my motives is key. When I get back to a sick pattern of doing everything myself, I’m looking for a fight. 

If I’m cooking supper, doing the dishes, and the laundry, without any help, I’m on a bad path. If I’m doing all the school runs, medicine pick ups, and homework checks, I’m not doing well. I had a counselor that would call me out on this. She would say ….

“Get off the cross. Jesus needs the wood.” 

When I’m in a good spot, I share the load. I expect others to help and when they don’t, I ask. When I’m in a good spot, I can recognize when I’m enabling others which typically leads to resentment. When I’m in a good spot, I’m ok telling people No and leaving the dishes in the sink. 

I never want to go back to where I was 15 years ago. I was so tired. Spending all my time being needed wore me out both physically and mentally. I felt like I had no control over my day. Because I was so tired, my thinking wasn’t clear. I couldn’t make the best decisions and forget about healthy boundaries … I didn’t even know what a boundary was!  

I equated love with giving more than I should. With being completely exhausted. With putting myself last. If I loved my family, friends and my job … and all of these things got my best 100% of the time … what was left? Nothing. 

On Valentine’s Day, for the past several years, I’ve posted the same thing. Not surprisingly it has more to do with loving myself and protecting what is important so that I can love others.

And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!” And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.” — Iain Thomas 

Just recently, I fell into one of these pits. Work and family was requiring a lot of time. I was looking for a fight. While Todd sat in the recliner watching TV, I was huffing and puffing folding laundry. I wanted to fight about having to turn his socks inside out. Like my husband does, he called me on it.

What’s wrong? Why are you doing that and not one of the kids?

Because they are studying. I’ll do it! But I hate having to turn your socks inside-out. Why can’t you do that before they go in the laundry? 

You don’t have to do that. I can turn them right before I put them on. 

What just happened? This little exchange yanked me back. It reminded me very quickly that this is love. Todd doesn’t love me because I cook supper or turn his socks inside out before they go back in the drawer. Todd doesn’t need me, he loves me. It’s not my doing, it’s my being. Am I Still a Big Deal? 

Happy Valentine’s Day to You and my Love, Todd Gautreau.