I Wasn't Ready.

My grandfather was an entrepreneur, but my grandmother ran the house. Even down to the financial decisions which was odd in the 50’s and 60’s.  My mother was a career woman and entrepreneur. I  remember as a young child being in awe as she dressed up for work. She was beautiful.  Mom worked in the accounting department for Monsanto. I don’t know what level she was in the plant but she sure was a big deal to me! The women and men in my life raised me to think I  could do and be whatever I wanted.  I was the first child, first grandchild ... and the only girl. I was the first college graduate. There was a crown placed upon my head very early. 

As I started my career, I felt as though I was well educated and prepared. But, I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared to hear comments like, “I thought she was just cute, she has a brain too.” “Come sit in my lap while you tell me about it.” And one morning, as I entered a meeting a few minutes late into a room full of men, the gentleman said, “Oh! Thank goodness she’s here, she can take the notes.” 

These statements were made in the board room and on the chamber floor of the state legislature. They were made by Christians and people leaders. They were made by men and women. I wasn’t ready. 

In all of those cases, several people were around to hear. But no one spoke up for me when I couldn’t find my voice. I did not speak up for myself until I was 30 years old, and it was my professional credibility on the line.  I had fought to hard for my success, I had to take a stand. And even though the other men in the room laughed and clapped when I put that certain gentleman in his place ... Still I had to stand up for myself ... alone. 

I have a unique personality. And as confident and extroverted as I am, it was still extremely difficult to find the courage to speak up for myself. I believe that other men in that room wanted to say something on my behalf. But they too struggled to find their courage. I tell my story and listen more carefully today so that women who cannot stand up at that very moment  ... for whatever reason ... I will be a voice for them. And I share my experiences with men because I think they have been left out of the diversity and inclusion conversation and also lack the training and awareness to be the best male ally they can be.