A Real Tree

I bought a real tree! I’m telling EVERYONE. I have surprised myself and I guess I want others to know what a big deal it is for me. Aren’t we just like kids when we want to be recognized? 

Of course I can say I had an artificial tree all this time because of Jackson’s childhood asthma … and that’s partly true. But I also had an artificial tree because I could make it look exactly like I wanted it to look. I’m one of those mommas  … you know, the one that doesn’t let my kids decorate the tree. It has to be a showpiece. For years I’ve had multiple trees. There is a tree that I want people to go “ohhhhhhh and ahhhhh” over that reflects well or poorly on my ability to decorate and then there is a kid’s tree … usually much smaller in the kitchen. 

Not only did I get a real tree, but there is only one tree in the house this year. The Year 2020 has taught me several things and one is to simplify life where I can.  I was shocked at how expensive trees were. Claire and I looked around the nursery.  I’m always drawn to flocked trees. The “showpiece” in the house for the last several years has been a pre-lit flocked tree. When I saw $250 on a tree … I knew that was another place in my life where I could bring it back down a notch. So over to the hardware store we went and bought the most beautiful, imperfect $69.99 Frasier Fir. It doesn’t even reach the ceiling … it’s just kind of normal looking. I absolutely love it! 

Next, let’s make some homemade ornaments! Molding clay, markers, pull out the cookie cutters, acrylic paint, and grab the wax paper. I remember years ago I tried art therapy for my control issues. I’m an art lover and I love to paint. I paint with oils so I can control it. It only goes where my stroke goes and the colors are easy to manipulate. I’ll never forget the day in therapy when she said, we’re going to paint with watercolors. Do what?!?!? 

Holy Moly! I almost lost my mind. I had very little control over the way the runny paint ran down the paper … the way the colors bled into each other. It made me a nervous wreck. I never did get the hang of it and I never got over the frustration. The good that came was it allowed me to visually see my issues. I’ve never picked up water colors again. Like I’ve said in my writings many times before … I’m getting better, but I’m not fixed. 

I see my issues chase my kids. Jackson has made his angel from clay at least six times over. It has broken because he made it too thin in the hopes that it would dry more quickly (Hurry). He made another one and didn’t like the fancy paint job he was going after (Doing too much). In his words, “I need to keep it simple.” And then of course, there couldn’t be any finger prints on the clay (Perfectionism). I keep encouraging him and Claire that art can be beautifully, imperfect. They are not where I am yet. But like momma always said, you can’t put a [fill in the age] 48 year old head on a 14 year old body. 

I’m pretty darn excited reflecting on my growth during this crazy year. The world will convince us that 2020 is a total loss, and nothing good can possibly come of it. I’m choosing not to believe that, regardless of my many feelings of fear over finances and health in particular. Our feelings are real, but they are not always relevant. There is room for peace, love and joy … even in 2020. 

#thereisroom