Common Ground

…yes, Whatever a person is like, I try to find common ground with him so he will let me tell him about Christ and let Christ save him. 1 Corinthians 9:22

In May 2018, I gave my first “Am I Still a Big Deal?” Keynote. I did not plan this title. This particular keynote started off in several directions. I was convinced that the title would be, “Ugly Truths that Make Me Beautiful”. I thought I would wow the audience with my three biggest mess ups, make them gasp for air, and then show them that I overcame. My motive was pure … I wanted them to know that if I could overcome, they could overcome as well. But, of course, my ugly truths were way uglier than theirs. 

Common ground never crossed my mind other than knowing that we all deal with fear and shame. I was still thinking that my ugly truths, like being married three times or my son leaving home to live with his dad were things that happened just to me. You couldn’t have possibly experienced the same thing. Maybe you experienced something similar … but not the same thing. 

I started sharing my stories because God said He would use them as a light to combat fear and shame for others. He didn’t tell me that I would be blessed as well. My blessing was understanding that we have way more in common than I thought and that connection has brought more love into my life. Change the names and the house number and many of us have lived the same stories. Connecting in our struggles is powerful. But it is the exact reason why we don’t share them. The enemy wants to alienate us and tear us down based on our differences. Differences mean I don’t belong. Not belonging stops progress and growth. It also stops Love. 

In the past two weeks I’ve had conversations with three different women who are fighting the same battles many of us have already walked through …. A mom watching her husband and son fight as the son becomes of age, a wife whose husband is fighting addiction and a mom and dad who desperately want a different path for their college age daughter. The common thread through all of these conversations is they thought it was just their house, their family, their daughter.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 9, Whatever a person is like, I try to find common ground. Whatever is a big word! Whatever covers a tremendous amount of territory. Common Ground is the #1 Shame Protector! Find it! This is the foundation for Diversity and Inclusion. But again the media has made even our D&I journey a competition … no one could possibly have experienced what I have. I can’t possibly have anything in common with the boss at the top, the lady who checks me out at the cafeteria, the intern that tried to commit suicide or the woman who wears nice shoes to work everyday. 

Yes, you do. Whatever that person is like. There is room for common ground. Look for it, my friend. Look hard, look on purpose.