Competing in Second Row

 I am extremely competitive. I laughed too when Ricky Bobby said, "If you're not first, you're last." But I may have been laughing because for the first time, someone described my personal operating system exactly.  As 2018 has been my year to PAUSE, REFLECT and RESET, I have begun to question how I will manage my life and career growing forward. New Truth: I'm not as motivated by competition as I once was. 

In my 20's, I was convinced I was not going to have children of my own. I had a big role in raising my step-son and that was enough for me. At 30, I thought, I want someone who looks like me. At 33 I had my son, Jackson. This is similar to how my career goals have evolved. I've gone from Competing to Doing and now, reflecting on how I can spend the next phase, Giving. 

My step-daughter, Claire, in not a competitor. "Claire-Bear" is an encourager and a nurturer hence her nickname. Her Dad and I push her to try new things and to compete. I would have never, in a million years, thought Claire would have been the one to drop such a big life nugget in my plate. 

This past summer I coaxed Claire into being a part of her school's worship team. The worship team performs on stage at school chapel. They sing while they perform modest dance moves ... they welcome all the small children in and get everyone pumped up for worship! She enjoyed it more than she thought and couldn't wait for this school years's first chapel. So after a summer of practice, they somewhat "tried" out for their position on stage. And here's where it happened ...

Claire:  "I made second row!"

My sick brain immediately went to ... Why didn't you make first row? But I had been doing enough self awareness over this topic that I knew that was over the top.  So, I toned it down slightly before it came out of my mouth but I still couldn't help myself. Some are sicker than others. (insert eye roll)

Me: "That's good. Who made first row?"

Claire:  "I don't know, I wasn't looking at them."

Boom! I wasn't looking at them. She was competing to be a better her, not better than anyone else. They were all there to do the same thing so what did it matter? The whole stage was there for each of them to play a role. And she was doing her job in the second row. 

There Is Room on the Stage for everyone on the Worship Team.