Life is messy and beautiful. The beautiful part is because of Him. The messy part is Us. I’m always amazed at His power … how he takes our mess and still brings joy. This Christmas is about making a choice. Live. Love. Laughter. Togetherness. Over sadness, sickness, and brokenness. Just when we think we’ve made the decisions, God laughs. What God has brought together let no man put asunder. 

Two years ago, I hired a new team member at work. She noticed that I was a “Giver” but also recognized that my giving at times was out of sync. She gave me some candid feedback. “Sometimes, people just need the Volkswagen. You don’t have to build the Cadillac every time.” I knew there was validity to that feedback and it came from the heart. I had already received similar feedback in my personal life.

Mom and Dad had these sayings that didn’t make sense at the time, but I couldn’t help but remember them because they had a habit of repeating themselves. My first big paycheck came in 1998, well after I entered the workforce. For years I struggled to make ends meet as a teacher, as a trainer for the State, and working for the University. Then I finally made my way to private business. I was super excited about the upgrade in office furniture and the paycheck. Mom and Dad were both proud. And I remember Dad saying, “The more you make, the more you spend.”

My dad is bigger than life in the physical and literal sense. Just the size of his hands are crazy. He’s a big, strong man, who has always lived life cornering the rails. I am his daughter. I know the limits, but I push and push until I’m right up on the edge …. Enough to drive my friends and family mad. Dad always lived big, Mom always loved big. How blessed are my brother and I to have both. 

There’s a routine for beach sunsets. You bring your own chair so that you can remain in place after the umbrella guy has come and gone. Another must is a ham sandwich and Oreo cookies. Ready, Set, Go. But this time we were staying in a new condo, at a different bend in the coast line and the sun went down behind another high rise. I couldn’t actually see the sun. I was so disappointed. I thought I had gotten through this vacation without setting expectations but maybe not. No Showstoppers. 

On my 33rd Birthday, after my divorce, my mom sent me a birthday card and it said, Life is Meant to Be Celebrated! Those instructions have stuck in my head for 15 years. I often sign birthday cards for my friends that exact same way. As an over-achiever, I have missed out on celebrating a lot of life. There are big moments in life and there are times when you win the blue ribbon but most of the moments are the small ones. I want to celebrate those.

Common ground never crossed my mind other than knowing that we all deal with fear and shame. I was still thinking that my ugly truths, like being [married three times] or my [son leaving home] to live with his dad were things that happened just to me. You couldn’t have possibly experienced the same thing. Maybe you experienced something similar … but not the same thing.

There was always room at their table. Dad recalled times during the week when PawPaw may bring someone home that needed a meal. MawMaw would get aggravated and claim she had not cooked enough. “Awwww, Mary … we have enough,” PawPaw would say. And somehow they always did. 

When love is true, you let go. In December 2005, Bryce moved in. There was no way for me to know the sadness his mom felt. I didn’t understand until my Jackson went to live with his dad in 2017. Bryce’s mom was the very first person I thought of. When love is true, you let go.

Like most attributes, being over-responsible served me well and not so well along the way. I do think it’s what has driven most of my academic and career success. I also think as I managed through some tough life experiences, it got me out of bed. On the flip side, being over-responsible has led to some junk that I didn’t need to carry all this time. If I’m responsible for “all of this” … whatever “all of this” is … I must also be responsible for your behavior. Your behavior reflects upon me. It must have been something I did or didn’t do that made you behave that way.